


Lance

by RandomShmoe



Series: April NaNoWriMo [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, but really just gen, guess it could be seen as pre Shance, ignore the first drabble, it's random, just lance talking and shiro listening, lance has it mostly undercontrol, slight langst, supportive shiro, talk about depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 22:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10523631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomShmoe/pseuds/RandomShmoe
Summary: First and Second Day working on Camp NaNoWriMo stuff. It is focused on Lance...hence the title.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know. This is not my other story...I'm sorry!! *cries* I'm doing the April NaNoWriMo with Camp NaNoWriMo.

He’s bent slightly over the table, eyes flickering at the ink in front of him. Eyes flicker up, watching, waiting for the two things he is missing.

Damn, that’s not it.

His heart is pounding in his chest and his leg is bouncing in agitation. Eyes flicker up once again and he lets out a stuttering breath as he spots what he is waiting for.

One more to go.

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, and it works but only slightly. Palms are starting to sweat as he fidgets in his chair, leg starting to bounce more noticeably. He rubs his hand across his mouth and lets loose a soft groan on still not seeing what he’s waiting for.

“Come on, Come on,” He mutters under his breath and he swears his heart is about to jump up and out of his throat, “One more, just one more,”

Eyes flicker up once again and widen in shock. That’s it! The last thing he needs. Heart is pounding double time as he hand shakes slightly as he marks the paper in front of him.

Wait, gotta wait a moment. It’s too soon.

It’s time. Nervous breath in and he shoots his hand in the air, “BINGO!"  


~~~~~~~~Next~~~~~~~~  


Head bangs rhythmically against the wall. Not too hard to give him a headache, yet solid enough to probably make others wince in sympathy.

“Stupid,” is heard every time forhead connects with the wall. A fist rises up and slams against the wall as well as a last thud of his forehead, “So fucking stupid,”

With a deep breath, air is pulled into his lungs to be forcefully pushed out through his nose, as he unfurls his fist to slap is now open palm against the wall. Another deliberate breath is taken as he pulls away from the wall and rubs at the red spot his head is now sporting. An exhausted sigh escapes past his lips and he turns to start walking down the hallway.

He is only able to go a few steps before a voice calls for him. Shoulders slump in defeat and turns around to face the caller - unsurprised on whom is standing there. The other steps closer, dark grey eyes taking in the slumped posture of the normally joyous Paladin, “Lance...are you ok?”

Blue eyes connect with grey and the two stand there for a tense moment before Lance shifts his gaze to the side and turns back around to continue walking. Shiro opens his mouth to call the other back, but Lance’s beckoning call stops him and he follows a few strides behind the Blue Paladin.

The two enter into an unused lounge room - not surprising with how big the Castle Ship is - and Shiro pauses to take in the - surprisingly - homey feel of the room before following Lance as the lanky teen takes a seat in an extremely comfy couch.

Shiro sets himself down on the cushions and jerks in surprise as he just _sinks_ and it feels like the couch is trying to eat him. Wide eyes glance up and spots Lance giving him a fond look from his sprawled position. Relaxing himself, Shiro allows his body to be engulfed by the cushions and once is he settles he turns his head to face Lance.

“Lance-”

“Don’t Shiro,” Lance interrupts as he rubs his hand across his mouth, “It’s fine. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I never should have said what I did,”

The Black Paladin stiffens and opens his mouth to object, but the words die in his throat at the half smile on Lance’s face.

“I have depression Shiro,” Lance comments easily and Shiro’s eyes widen slightly. Lance continues on, hoping that Shiro won’t interrupt. He needs to explain to the leader what happened earlier, while it did affect him, didn’t affect him as much as the other probably thinks, “It’s not extremely bad...I mean, I know there are others out there who has it worse than I do,”

“That doesn’t-”

“Invalidate my own emotions,” Lance continues with a chuckle as he gazes at the room and not at Shiro, “I was numb as a kid. I went through the motions I felt that I needed to do. I would laugh, cry, get angry...but I never really _felt_ any of it. I talked to my Ma about it after realizing I was staring at a razor blade for too long and we went to talk to my doctor and I was prescribed an antidepressant,”

Shiro shifts so he is able to reach his hand out and places it on Lance’s knee. Blue eyes shift over to take him in and a small smile graces the Cuban’s lips. Lance maneuvers his body so he is sitting a few inches from the other and once they are resettled Lance continues talking, “When I first started taking it...it was sooo amazing,” Lance shoots Shiro a wide grin, “I could _feel_ and I was able to see where I was beforehand,”

Lance grasps Shiro’s hand on his knee and lifts it up in the air, making sure it’s flat, “Say this is the baseline for...normal feelings...I guess,” He lets go, but Shiro leaves it in the air so Lance is able to continue with his demonstration, “So, I would say I was around here,” He points below the line, “And when I started with the drugs I moved up to around the ‘normal’ line and I could _tell_ if I was starting to feel down and was able to do things to help get through it,”

Lance grasps Shiro’s hand and lowers it down into his lap. His head bowed as he fiddles with the Black Paladin’s fingers and Shiro hesitates slightly before talking, “Lance, I’m glad you are telling me this...but, what does this have to do with what happened earlier? The things you said...do you really believe them?”

“I stopped taking the drugs after about a year,” Lance continues on his story, a small frown on his face, “One of the side effects was difficulty falling asleep, but I was having the opposite problem. I just couldn’t easily wake up and I was getting tired of it. So, I decided to stop taking it. I knew how to feel and I knew what I felt like when I was starting to get depressed and I felt like I could handle it,”

Lance intertwines their fingers slightly and squeezes gently before untangling the digits to go back to fiddles with the fingers and Shiro can’t stop himself even if he tried, “And were you able to?”

Blue eyes dart his way in a side glance and Lance nods, “Yeah, I mean, it was different without the drugs...slightly difficult at times, but I am able to manage it to a degree,” Lance scrunches his nose as he sighs through it, “My thoughts can get bad, like really bad, at times. I start second guessing everything and I start feeling like shit and I think a lot of self-decrepitating thoughts. Sometimes all I need to do is brush them aside, go hang with you guys and the moment passes. Other times...it takes a bit more work and that either works or it starts to get worse,”

“Like what you said in the training room? That you feel like the seventh wheel, that we don’t consider you as a valuable member of the team?” Shiro questions softly as he gently frees his hand from Lance and wraps that arm around the lanky teen’s shoulder and pulls him against his side. Once they are done shifting Shiro offers up his other hand and Lance goes back to playing with the new digits, “We don’t-”

“I know,” Lance comments gently with a soft exhale, “I know. I don’t _really_ believe what I said in the training room. The thoughts just kinda popped up awhile ago and usually I’m able to brush them aside because I know they aren’t true...but I’m having a bad week and the thoughts are just harder to push aside. Just...give me a couple of days and I’ll be able to work through it and I’ll be past this spell,”

“I’ll be ok,”

Shiro tightens his hold in a half hug, “I know you will be. You’re a great kid Lance,” He ignores Lance’s grumble of Shiro not being _that_ much older than him, “However, we are a team and you can always come to us,”

“I have been,” Lance admits as he tugs on Shiro’s hand, “I just never explain anything...I just act like I normally do and that’s usually enough,”

“Then explain to us what is going on,” Shiro pushes gently and runs his free hand through Lance’s hair, “We’ll be able to help out more I’m sure,”

“I’ll try,”

 

**Author's Note:**

> We shall ignore that first drabble..snippet..thing. It amused me, so I wrote it, lol. 
> 
> You know how authors like to project onto characters? Yeah, I just did that with Lance. I had to change a few things around to match with the timeline and their hinted at ages, but, ultimately that's me with my depression. It's not the worst...but it is there.


End file.
